Bohemian Rhapsody

Promise Made

2008-09-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

It has been suggested that I return to blogging as a way to express myself, work through ideas, and debrief about lifes happenings.

It is to difficult (and somewhat painful to review the past two years), however, it occurs to me that I need to look forward rather than relive the trials and tribulations of motherhood, marraige, etc...

So let me share the good things, I have been accepted into a MSW program and have begun classes. I continue to work fulltime and continue to enjoy fullfillment that I have never received from a paid position (as opposed to volunteer work).

Last week I did something I have always wanted to do...I did a 10-minute comedy routine about living and living well with mental illness (as I do). People laughed and I have been bitten by the bug...I must do this again.

No Excuses Here

2006-12-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

If anyone still bothers to check, I am alive and well and living in Midwest City. I have no excuses for not keeping up with my blog, yes I have been busy, but so are you, yes I either have to much to say and am overwhelmed by the task, or don't have anything interesting to share and am bored with my own life. I will share the top five 'events' in the last six motnhs and make a vow to do better in 2007.

1) No job to part time job to full time job (more money, less time)
2) Family vacation to Atlanta, grown up cruise with in-laws--enough said
3) Oldest daughters birth mother appeared out of nowhere to make contact
4) Polyp Removal (sexy, huh?)
5) Band Booster (husband pres, me first lady)

Meanwhile...back at the ranch...

The rules:
Copy this to your blog and highlight the ones you've done in your life.

* Bought everyone in the bar a drink
* Swam with wild dolphins
* Climbed a mountain
* Driven anything over 100 MPH
* Been inside the Great Pyramid (I'm hoping Ixtapa in Mexico counts)
* Held a tarantula
* Taken a candlelit bath with someone
* Said “I love you” and meant it
* Hugged a tree
* Bungee jumped
* Visited Paris
* Watched a lightning storm at sea
* Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
* Seen the Northern Lights
* Gone to a huge sports game (...and the Cardinals win the Series)
* Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
* Grown and eaten your own vegetables
* Touched an iceberg
* Slept under the stars
* Changed a baby’s diaper
* Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
* Watched a meteor shower
* Gotten drunk on champagne
* Given more than you can afford to charity
* Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
* Had a food fight
* Bet on a winning horse
* Asked out a stranger
* Had a snowball fight
* Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
* Held a lamb
* Seen a total eclipse of the moon
* Ridden a roller coaster
* Hit a home run
* Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
* Adopted an accent for an entire day
* Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
* Had two hard drives for your computer
* Visited all 50 states
* Taken care of someone who was drunk
* Had amazing friends
* Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
* Watched wild whales
* Stolen a sign
* Backpacked in Europe
* Taken a road-trip
* Gone rock climbing
* Midnight walk on the beach
* Gone sky diving
* Visited Ireland
* Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
* In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
* Visited Japan
* Milked a cow
* Alphabetized your CDs
* Pretended to be a superhero
* Sung karaoke
* Lounged around in bed all day
* Played touch football
* Kissed in the rain
* scuba Diving
*Played in the mud
* Played in the rain
* Gone to a drive-in theater
* Visited the Great Wall of China
* Started a business
* Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
* Toured ancient sites
* Taken a martial arts class
* Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
* Gotten married
* Been in a movie
* Crashed a party
* Gotten divorced
* Gone without food for 5 days
* Made cookies from scratch
* Won first prize in a costume contest
* Ridden a gondola in Venice
* Gotten a tattoo
* Rafted the Snake River
* Been on television news programs as an “expert”
* Got flowers for no reason
* Performed on stage
* Been to Las Vegas
* Recorded music
* Eaten shark
* Kissed on the first date
* Gone to Thailand
* Bought a house
* Been in a combat zone
* Buried one/both of your parents
* Been on a cruise ship
* Spoken more than one language fluently
* Performed in Rocky Horror
* Raised children
* Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
* Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
* Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
* Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
* Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
* Had plastic surgery
* Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
* Wrote articles for a large publication
* Lost over 100 pounds
* Held someone while they were having a flashback
* Piloted an airplane
* Touched a stingray
* Broken someone’s heart
* Helped an animal give birth
* Won money on a T.V. game show
* Broken a bone
* Gone on an African photo safari
* Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
* Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
* Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
* Ridden a horse
* Had major surgery
* Had a snake as a pet
* Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
* Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
* Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
* Visited all 7 continents
* Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
* Eaten kangaroo meat
* Eaten sushi
* Had your picture in the newspaper
* Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
* Gone back to school
* Parasailed
* Touched a cockroach
* Eaten fried green tomatoes
* Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
* Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
* Killed and prepared an animal for eating
* Skipped all your school reunions
* Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
* Been elected to public office
* Written your own computer language
* Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
* Had to put someone you love into hospice care
* Built your own PC from parts
* Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
* Had a booth at a street fair
* Dyed your hair
* Been a DJ
* Shaved your head
* Caused a car accident
* Saved someone’s life

College Boys

2006-06-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

A year ago Barbie was always at home. Always available to help, babysit, clean-up, etc...and then around the time of the prom she started to branch out a little bit. Going out on dates (realized boys with cars is more fun than being dropped off by mom), curfews, and checking insurance and driving records has now become the norm at our house.

I should also tell you that Barbie has a boyfriend of (off and on) like five years, but this fact isn't crimping her style. As a matter of fact, now that Boyfriend has his drivers license, she may gravitate back to him.

But last night, somehow in the confusion of her leaving, my husband and I didn't realize that Barbie was leaving the house with a college Junior to watch the basketball game. Man-o-mine had a coronary when he found out (after she left).

Now, Barbie has explained how every boy relationship she has, with the exception of Boyfriend is completely platonic, which is fine. But I do wonder if all these boys/men have the same intentions?

After all a junior in college probably has different date expectations than a junior in highschool.

And even though Barbie is 17 she is still my little girl. I'm not ready for her to grow up and outward bound.

Getting Fired

2006-06-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get the feeling that something big is going to happen? There have been occasions in my life when I have known things were about to change big time. I knew that my grandfather was dead before anyone told me. I knew I was pregnant with my children before the fertilized egg had time to implant.

I don't think I am psychic, but I do think I am intuiitive and good at filling in the blanks. Although it is interesting to note that I do come from gypsy stock and my grandmother could levitate tables. But I digress.

Which leads me to the point...I think I am about to get fired...by my therapist. Now this is a tough one...because he is the only person in my world who I pay to listen to me ramble, dream, and explore. Everyone else does it for free.

Why do I think I am getting fired? 1) I tried to change my appointment and he never called me back, 2) so I kept my appointment time, and he called 15 minutes before my appointment to cancel on me.

Now it is possible that the paranoid factor in my brain disorder has me working overtime. But maybe I am right, I am about to get fired. Then what am I going to do? I'll have to find another talking friend, learn to trust, confide, then worry about getting fired again?

I hate getting fired, especially by somebody I pay.

What About Bob?

2006-06-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am not sure which was more enjoyable...going to the 11th Annual Bricktown Festival or wathing and meeting people at the Festival.

The festival was a free event that brought in hordes of people from across the spectrum...and as a self-proclaimed people watcher it was heaven.

I noticed Bob right away. He was doing an exotic dance routine in front of the crowds...totally enjoying the music.

Of course, he became the guy that I wanted to meet. Between the sets, man-o-mine and I moved closer to the front and closer to our soon-to-be-new friend.

His name is Bob and he is a Vietnam Veteran. Yes, a vet who loves to dance. He is also mute (old war injury). I brought out my pad of paper and we wrote back and forth. I learned that he has five dogs, five kids and three grand kids. He is a painter now. He is 60 but doesn't look a day over 40.

His smile was the most disarming thing I have ever seen. Pure joy.

I was thinking yesteray how hard it would be to lose the ability to speak. I hope I would tackle it with the same humor as Bob.

He can't sing along to the lyrics but dances like he feels the music in his bones. and his heart.

Bob disappeared for a little while during the concert and came back with beer for us. Like we did something for him, when in truth, he made the night for us.

Thank you, Bob.

May the music be with you.

Bet You Didn't Know

2006-06-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

111 Things About Me...hmmmm...

1. I was born during the Oklahoma Blizzard of January 1970.
2. My mom swears I was born in the middle of the night but according to my birth certificate it was more like 9:02 a.m. (my mom obviously likes to sleep in.) That is why I have no sense of time.
3. I have one brother (younger) who I see once every five years.
4. I believe in fate.
5. My favorite color is brown.
6. Patchoulli calms my soul.
7. 1) History Channel 2)National Geographic Channel 3)DIY
8. 1)House 2) Boston Legal 3) Desperate Housewives
9. My first movie/tv star crush was on Rick Springfield
10. I think I am funny
11. My parents are still married
12. I have lived in three different communes
13. I lived with monks in silence for a week
14. When I was 19 I moved to Colorado with my boyfriend/first husband to be...aND CAN REMEMBER NOTHING ABOUT THE ENTIRE THREE MONTHS except some guy slept on our couch (his name was Slayer)
15. I am right handed
16. I know how to read Tarot Cards
17. I would like to take dance classes
18. Favorite Movies: Sunset Blvd., Mildred Pierce., Natural Born Killers
19. I like the opera
20. My hero is my dad.
21. I remember meeting Rave for the first time (softball) becoming friends (on the way home from Shawnee) and really bonding over how cute the towtruck driver was at Walgreens.
22. I don't know what an IPOD is or how to use it
23. I get nervous when I play Spades on-line even though I have a high score
24. Long Island Iced Tea
25. Favorite time of the day--after the kids are asleep
26. Favorite season: Autumn/Fall
27. The easiest decision I ever made was to divorce and become a single parent
28. I am glad I remarried. Man-o-mine can be an asshole, but he is mine
29. If I had the money I would go to an Ashram for awhile
30. I am more broad in my theology than most of the people around me...for example, I don't care if Jesus was married.
31. I am a carnivore...I love meat, especially steak.
32. One of my biggest turn ons is the way my husband smells after he has been grilling on the bar-b-que.
33. Favorite place on earth, in no particular order, Tahquitz Canyon or Joshua Tree; Durango, CO/Mesa Verde, CO
34. Favorite Drink: Icee's, Diet Coke or Iced Tea.
35. 42D
36. Nature vs. Nurture, definately both
37. Music? Leonard Cohen, Van Morrison, Nick Cave, and the Blues
38. I love live music, it excites me
39. AC/DC Back in Black was my first concert and the first time I drank beer
40. I hate board games (Monopoly) but love games of strategy (Othello, Chess)
41. I hate brussel sprouts
42. Sometimes I wish I had another baby
43. Sometimes I wish I didn't have the babies I have
44. I learn more about my kids from listening to them talk in the car to eachother than they want me to know.
45. TOP SECRET: I like the band Air Supply
46. I prefer concerts that are outside rather than inside
47. I tend to take pictures of the unusual rather than of people (unless they are unusual)
48. Sometimes I wonder who my real dad is and if he knows about me
49. I make lists of things to do so I don't forget
50. I'm afraid of big trucks on the highway
51. Favorite Author: Stephen King
52. Favorite Book: The Stand
53. The only female rock singer I can stand is Janis Joplin (I hate Pat Benetar, Stevie Nix and Heart)
54. Man-o-mines first date was to see the Eagles in Dallas
55. Msan-o-mine and I will have been married nine years on Wednesday
56. Hardwood floors rule.
57. Barefoot or flipflops. I hate tight shoes.
58. The only piece of jewelry I wear consistently is my wedding ring.
59. I have picked out my new tatoo. ( I will share pics as soon as it is legal to get it done here in the Bible Belt)
60. I believe I can do it all therefor I accomplish very little
61. Sometimes I wonder if I am just lazy instead of clinically depressed
62. I love to learn and would love to earn a PHD in Psychology
63. I hate swallowing pills
64. i KNOW i need to quit but I love to smoke
65. I like long skirts
66. The first thing I notice about a man is his legs. I love defined calf muscles.
67. I have kissed a girl
68. I love man-o-mines nicknames for me. It makes me feel special.
69. I wish I got along better with my mother-in-law.
70. I am in therapy.
71. I think blogging is therapy.
72. I love to watch people.
73. I write poems.
74. I have taken the road less traveled many times
75. Biggest mistake? 1988-1990
76. Proudest moment? Walking across the stage at my college graduation
77. Sometimes I get stir cray and resist the urge to run away from home
78. I like throwing small dinner parties
79. If my husband would let me I would cook more (I really like to bake)
80. Biggest surprise this week? My husband watched Pretty Woman by himself.
81. Motto I live by: If its organic don't panic.
82. I had my first kiss in 1st grade. His name was Charles.
83. Most romantic moment? When my husband learned how to play guitar and sang If I Were A Carpenter for our anniversary.
84. I like diners
85. I love Cheese
86. If I had a choice between more hours in the day or more money throughout the week...I would go with the money
87. Sometimes I think I am a lousy parent
88. When I was growing up we named our animals after presidents and their wives
89. When I moved out I had a black cat named PeaceFrog and another silver persian inbred psychocat named CODAKITTY.
90. I worry that I am becoming my mother.
91. When I was little I lived with my grandparents
92. I like wearing false fingernails
93. I hate using other peoples bathrooms (people I dont know well)
94. I enjoyed Brokeback Mountain but didn't understand why it was such a big deal
95. I enjoyed the Davinci Code but didn't understand why it is such a big deal
96. I radiate heat when I sleep...people used to tell me that all the time.
97. Alcohol? Long Island Iced Tea and Jagermeister shots (not at the same time).
98. I have lost 30 pounds this year.
99. I drive to fast.
100. I was going to let my hair turn its natural color...it was gray,..so I changed my mind.
101. I like true crime shows and biographies.
102. I thought my cell phone was broken and it turns out it was just turned off.
103. The best part of childbirth was the drugs.
104. I hate my house but with a little help from my friends it gets better everyday
105. I am intimated by Doctors.
106. I collect antique Fiestaware.
107. I believe in God
108. I love music but never get the lyrics right
109. Rainy Days and Mondays always bring me down
110. Butter Pecan Ice Cream, do I need to say more?
111. As Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."

Love and Other Indoor Sports

2006-06-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

Man-o-mine shared an epiphany he had with me last night.

He said, "You know, I've thought about it and I think you must love me more than I love you."

At the time, I thought he was just playing around and teasing me. This led me to ask why he thinks that, of course.

"Because you accept me for who I am. Even my insecurities. You accept me yet I am always trying to change something about you. How do you stand it?"

I really had not thought of love like that. I mean I try to show the kids unconditional love. I show my friends unconditional love. But I hadn't thought of my marraige as unconditional. There are definately things he does that make me angry. We occasionally hurt each others feelings but that's because we do not pussy foot around issues. We really call each other on assholeness and bitchiness. Most of the time, like 99%,we get along like peas in a pod.

The more I have thought about what he said the more I realized that he had a point though. When I fight with man-o-mine it is about being understood, not being right. When he is fighting with me it is to change something. Change my mind, change of heart, or changing the course, change is the key to his arguments.

I wonder if this is the difference between men an women, or if man-o-mine is on to something.

Where The Hell Have I Been?

2006-06-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

I knew I would have trouble with a blog, keeping up with it, I mean. During the last month I have been on retreat to Quartz Mountain, twice to Tulsa (from OKC) and the kids are out of school. The good news is that there are only 1287 hours until school starts out again in August.

I have spent a good deal of the last month thinking about the world and my place in it. I have three kids yet I can't keep a house plant alive. I drive a minivan yet I dream of riding on the back of a motorcycle from one music festival to another. I am a housewife but everybody knows that I really am faking it the best I can. I love my husband and the kids I just always feel that I should or could be better at the job.

I used to work at a radio station in Palm Springs and I lived in the hills. By lived I mean slept and ate, and by the hills I mean Tahquitz Canyon. I also mean a cave with other hippies waiting for the summer Grateful Dead tour to start. Or Physh. Or whoever. It was justa peaceful time.

Now I have an alkarm clock, an eight-year-old son who likes to lick me, a 14-year-old daughter who hates me, and a seventeen-year-old daughter that is more concerned with her boyfriend and color guard than whether she has hurt my feelings. Man-o-mine holds down the fort and I am left in Limbo. I volunteer (then I am gone to much)...I stay home (then I need to get out more)...the point is that I try hard to make everybody happy and forget sometimes what makes me happy.

I discovered this house on a trip home to Tulsa and it occured to me that it was an analgum of my own life experiences. Somehow, my family and friends provide me with support (like the beams and roof) and let me smatter the rest with whatever adventure I set out on.

Seeing this house reminded me that I am not judged so much for what I can't do anymore but for what I can still do. Regardless of anything, whether I feel it's good enough or not, I do the best I can. Most of the time it is smooth sailing. Most of the time life is still an adventure. The problem is that most of the time there is laundry waiting, kids waiting, husband waiting...and I am not a waitress. I am not only a "dirty hippie" by self description, people see it and call me on it.

The catch is trying to be responsible at the same time. And I really just want to catch the bus to the next concert, not just a quick trip to the Walmart.

PROJECT: HIGH SCHOOL

2006-05-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

Huh, I don't think we're in Shermer, IL, anymore.

The dream is always the same. I primp and preen in front of the mirror until I am confident that I look just a little better than I feel. Mental checklist: VANS tennis shoes, parachute pants or faded LEVI's 501 jeans, an Ocean Pacific T-shirt or better yet an Izod or POLO shirt (depending on how good I am feeling in my dream)and a SWATCH around my wrist. I go outside my two story brick house and glide onto the bus that is waiting curbside. As I walk to the back of the bus the emergency exit opens and I am at the front doors of the highschool and I saunter through somekind of electric meter reader and I realize that not only am I the center of every teenage angst movie ever created but that I am dressed all wrong for the part. Nobody is wearing VANS, or OP's. It's like the walking into a meeting naked dream except more intense.

This is not a John Hughes movie where each group/clique signifies and stands up for a particular highschool insecurity and heartache. No this is the real deal highschool. Cruelty and all.

Today, I had to go into my daughters highschool before school. Each area of the commons were made up of the same groups from when I was in highschool, as I'm sure you remember also.

But they seem so much more confident than my generation did. We were all kind os shell shocked in highschool. Computer lab was learning a DOS program that did simple math, pagers were for doctors and drug dealers (cell phones were barely on the horizon)and yes, MTV played videos.

Who are these kids today? Then I remembered the valuable advice Mr. Hughes gave everyone in the eighties...

"You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club

I swear to God all the groups are still present and accounted for in todays highschool. I was so overwhelmed by the experience I think I started breaking into hives.

Pyramid Schemes and Birthday Parties

2006-05-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

I am the most happy go lucky person you will ever meet. I believe that everyone holds promise of some sort (even if the promise is just that they make me laugh because of their actions).

I am lucky I have a sense of humor.

Man-o-mine comes from a large family. There is approximately one birthday party a month on his side of the family and this weekend was no exception.

Scheduled to start at 2 p.m. I became aware that something was going on at 2:30 when we were asked to pull up our chairs and get prepaired to change our lives. Yes, man-o-mines Aunt and Uncle had discovered a product so versatile, so functional, and so amazing our lives would never be the same.

I came for a bar-b-cue and instead was afflicted with information about how this particlur product increases gas mileage by approximately 7 miles per gallon.

Of course, this wonderful product is not available through stores but only through a licensed dealer, like them.

Luckily, this is a ground floor opportunity for people who are truly adventurous...and not to bright...because, for a couple of thousand dollars you can buy a distributorship. Yippee!

I pondered this ettiquete question all night long and finally decided that Emily Post and Miss Manners would have a stroke if they knew people were now turning birthday parties into franchise opportunities.

Then I remembered the wedding shower I was invited to. A Pampered Chef shower. All I need to bring is cash, the hostess is on commission and the bride elect gets to point out all of the awesome products she wants as her friends grapple to call dibs on the more economical items chosen.

Did I mention that the hostess gets commission?

Is the trend really to get reimbursed for the cost of the party? Is the purpose of a party to make money a profit of friends and family?

MARRIED TO A SKINHEAD

2006-04-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

Man mine does not primp, he does not care about his hair, he doesn't even care about his eyebrows which can be very unruly. So, when he was approached 6 months to tlet his short hair grow into a curly afro so that the act of shaving it could be auctioned off during a church function, RELAY FOR LIFE.

After he agreed to go bald for the cause I watched this man become an expert in the differences between mousse and gel, deep conditioning treatments, and one eyebrow wax.

He definately became a little concieted when these brown beautiful locks started growing from his traditional crew cut head. I started to like it about two weeks ago. You know grabbing onto it during coitus, stroking his hair when I fell asleep, Sharing a hairbrush and a blowdryer.

And now it is gone.

My daughter, Barbie got the glorious task of shaving his head in front of the entire church family.

I watched horrified as each lock hit the floor.

I watched horrified as Barbie gelled the remaing hair in the mohawk with liberty spikes.

But I kind of liked shaving the rest of it of tonight. Kind of a power trip. Razor play as it were.

And now I am married to lifsize model of Mr. Clean and I hope he can live up to the task.

Prom a Nada

2006-04-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

Thank God its over. I think prom is God's little way of preparing a mother for their daughters to be brides: comlete with expenses, differing points of views with daughter, spouse, boyfriend, and everyone else who dares share an opinion.

But I digress...

Barbie and I agreed on several key aspects of the evening and she was very forthcoming on other key details I needed to help make her evening memorable.

I think we agreed on the following details: yes, there would be a prom; yes, she would go if she were invited (she is only a sophomore); yes, there would probably be food; and yes, she would need a dress.

Then she got invited to the prom and my little princess turned into a little green monster and thats pretty much where the agreements ended and the debates began.

Barbie Doll, princess of the household, decided she would also need highlights, an updo, a makeover, tanning, a pedicure, matching underwear, a dress, a purse, eyebrows waxed, and a limousine.

All of which would neede to be purchased...by me...well, actually by man-o-mine, but you get the picture.

Most of the debates went like this...

"Why do you need to go tanning? The sun is out and will tan you for free!"
"But Mom..."

or, "That dress is cut to high..to short...to long...to tight...to much cleavage..."
"But mom..." (We went with pink, long and strapless.)

or, "Make-up? Can't we just by some gloss at the drugstore?" "But mom..."

and my favorite, "I don't know what your planning on prom night but why do you need a a brand new pair of matching undies?" and I got the EYEROLL!

Anyway, we made it through her first prom and I didn't kill her. And I only got a couple of eyerolls. She looked beautiful.

Priceless.

Priceless

2006-04-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

$200 Prom Dress
$150 Hair
$50 Nails
$75 Undies
$40 Dinner
$ Boyfriend calling and stammering and coughing and hmmming and hahhing about whether my daughters dress regquired a pin-on corsage or a wrist corsage...
PRICELESS

UVULA TA PROBLEMS, I'VE A LOTTA PROBLEMS

2006-04-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first to admit I have a lot of issues. Time management, double commitments, three kids, one husband. I feel like Rocky Balboa sometimes, like everybody wants a piece of me.

Anyway, Barbie Doll has Prom on Saturday and is demanding a lot of time and energy...and money. Nails, hair, dress, etc... (did I mention make-up?) She is 17 and this is her first real dress up affair and she is very excited.

The boy, Crazy Chester, has been dragged shopping for dresses, and bras, and mascara. I think he is developing either a real appreciation for what girls go through or some gender issues. He asked me yesterday if his butt looked good in a particular pair of shorts.

However, middle daughter, the PI, is driving me absolutely freaking mad.

After much research I have discovered the scientific name for the problem, middlechildshallnotbeignoredandcanspeakandargueandyelltheloudestaboutnothingitus a.k.a. middle child hormonal rebellion.

It is manifested it many different creative ways. I have isolated the root of the problem to be the hair-trigger connection from the brain to her uvula (the hangy down thing in the back of one's throat that helps the voice resonate.) my ears and the fillings in my teeth. It is pretty amazing connection, one only a mother and daughter could share.

I have taken the liberty of posting a picture of my daughters uvula in hopes that some other blogger will recognize the source and symptoms and erase the ten year treatment plan that has been reccomended by child guidance experts (they say I don't have a shot for peace until the oldest one leaves for college.)

Please share hope and treatment and the cure for this most serious case of rebellious teenageitus.

Please help.

Sugar Plum Fairies and Crapbooks

2006-03-30T19:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, I said crapbooks...as you can see by the posted picture, my local hobby store is advertising crapbook totes on special this week. Which made me think about my previous post about not being able to capture the photo image of the Wal-Mart lesbian midgets and again I missed the opportunity to snap a picture of the 8 year old garden fairy at the landscaping store...but, for some reason I did have my camera for the crap book signs at the hobby store.

Which got me to thinking about starting a crapbook. A crapbook is a compilation of pictures that need no caption and tell a story...just not the kind of story you want to tell in your sentimental, show the relatives after Sunday dinner, scrapbook. The pictures highlighted will be interesting and definitely worthy of viewing, and imagining the story behind the image.

I therefore promise to keep the batteries and the camera on my persons at all times. I will let you know when the crapbook is ready.

Crazy Chester and the Internet Adventure

2006-03-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

I am slowly introducing you to the players in my life...starting with the immediate family featuring man-o-mine, 17-yr-old daughter Barbie Doll, 14-yr-old daughter the Private Investigator (P.I.) and the 8-yr-old son Crazy Chester.

Chester got his name because of my love for the rock band the The Band. In the song The Weight there is a stanza that goes "Crazy Chester followed me, and he caught me in the fog.He said, "I will fix your rags, if you'll take Jack, my dog."I said, "Wait a minute, Chester, you know I'm a peaceful man."He said, "That's okay, boy, won't you feed him when you can." Anyway, when I was pregnant man-o-mine started to call the buldging baby in my tummy Crazy Chester. Although not his Christian name, this nick name has stuck.

And he has lived up to the name.

He had a friend spend the other night with us and they were on the computer playing a game or so I thought...now, the computer is centrally located in the house, I was less than 8-feet away, in the same room and I glanced at the computer and I saw BOOBIES.

"Chester!" I shrieked.

The boys immediately scattered and I corralled them at the exit and made them explain to me how women's breasts appeared on the monitor.

Chester and his friend finally fessed up to keying in one word juvenile websites like stupid.com and the like, when one of them came up with the idea of putting in naked.com and sex.com, the only explicit words they new.

They both admitted they were pleasantly surprised by what they found.

After discussing the rules of the computer again, and grounding them for the rest of their natural lives from the computer I asked if they had any questions about what they had seen on the computer screen.

They both think a minute and the friend says no, anxious to leave the room, when Chester asks the $50,000 question....

"Do you know how to get in touch with Miss April?"

"Who is Miss April," I asked"

"She is a third grade teacher who likes to take long walks on the beach," he said.

With a smile.

Oh, to be a fly in the wall in the land of the always exciting Bohemian experience.

Why I Need a Cell Phone

2006-03-21T21:08:00.001-08:00

There are numerous reasons to have a cell phone. The car could break down and one may need to call for help. Our oldest daughter, Barbie Doll, may need to be picked up from a party where there is drinking. I may get lost. All of these things have happened in the last three weeks and my husband refused to discuss the possibility of entering this century armed with a cell phone (even though our children have cell phones, for in case of emergency).

The other night we were at Walmart (don't you already know that anything can happen at Walmart!!) Super Center and veered our way through the throngs of traffic competing for the few remaining parking spaces. Upon entering the brightly lit store, which was under construction, we begin to maneuver our way to the bicycles in search of a birthday present for our youngest son Crazy Chester. Suddenly, man-o-mine, grabs my arm and whispers, "Did you see that?" Now, you need to know that my man notices nothing. Hates Walmart. Wants to leave immediately. My curiosity is definately peaked...

"What?"

"Is there such a thing as lesbian midgets?"

"Only in the Seven Dwarfes wet dreams. Why?"

"Because I just saw some. Well two to be exact."

HALT! I don't slow down at car accidents, I do not stare at people with handicaps, I even have a friend who is a little person and certainly don't track him down to gawk....but I did need to know why man-o-mine thought they were lesbian, and a couple at that.

So, we back tracked, looking up and down aisles, (it was difficult to find them, because they were little, remember?)

And then they appeared.
In Checkout Lane 19.

Man-o-mine had assumed that they were lesbian because they were holding hands. and kissing. with tongue. in the Walmart.

And if I had a cell/camera phone I could post the pics.

Coming Out of the Closet

2006-03-21T11:49:00.000-08:00

For the last three months I have been playing a little game with myself. No, not that kind of game. My dearest friend Rave at Quid Nunc started a blog and has been telling me since then that I should document my trials and tribulations, my adventures and misadventures, on my own blog. Instead, I have been deligently working to score prime space in her blog as she mentions me (hippie). Although she doesn't tell of my stories, she does mention our exciting lives as we navigate love and marraige and children and anything else we feel like. I love being mentioned in somebody elses website. I am afraid that I will be blacklisted however if I don't claim my rightful blogspace on the web.

Yesterday, she called, and said that since I had written a 'coming out' of the closet type of speech and emailed to most of my friends and family, it was time to document the changes in my life.

I came out of the closet with my mental illness: Bipolar Disorder. Here is a copy of my 'outing.'

Life is what happens when you are making other plans.

For example, during our June 14, 1997 wedding, man-o-mine and I vowed to love, comfort, and honor, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We moved from Oklahoma City to St. Louis and over the next several years, we got jobs, had children, got better jobs, took on more responsibilities. Life continued to move at breakneck speed, filled with twists and turns, and then our lives came to a screeching halt. I began experiencing severe mood changes (extreme energy and mania and excruciating depression and worthlessness). I became erratic and undependable. Paranoia, hallucinations, delusions were an ever occurring event. On August 24, 2001, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

At this time, my family and extended family was forced to make many decisions. All of a sudden my man-o-mine was forced to make complicated choices, including complex medical decisions about my treatment options, what to do without my income and insurance coverage that I was about to lose, how to emotionally support the kids, how to make the house payment. Ultimately, our house was sold, we relocated to Midwest City, and the right pharmaceutical cocktail was found and I began the long journey of recovery.

As man-o-mine and I began to rebuild our lives I began to dwell on all the destruction and disruption my illness had caused. I had lost my job, I had lost my friends, I had lost my house, I had lost everything. Also, I now had a serious mental illness so how could I possibly be productive, creative, member of society, let alone a good wife and mother?
I was also well aware of what my family had given up during my illness. Man-o-mine and the kids also lost their friends, and their house, and their city. They had to start over again with their lives, too.

It is easy to get wrapped up by listing the things we have lossed, or the concessions that have to be made to stay healthy, or the dreams that need to be edited (although never forgotten.) It is easy to be overwhelmed by the after effects of ‘an episode.’ What we need to remember during these times is that we have people cheering for us. It may be family or friends, it could be a doctor or nurse, pharmacist or neighbor. As the Beatles reminded us all, we can get by “with a little help from our friends.”

Thank you so much for being my friend.

For those who are meeting me for the first time through this blog, thank you for reading-- and tomorrow, I will tackle how to handle the pressure of not gawking at the passionate lesbian little people at Walmart.